The (mis)Adventures of Chuck

This blog is now ...

2008-11-05T11:44:00.001-05:00

CLOSED

Say "NO" to drugs....

2008-07-02T15:25:00.001-04:00

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2008/07/02/costello.magic.mushroom.cnn

Space, the final frontier

2008-04-06T13:39:00.001-04:00

St Paddy's Day 2008

2008-03-16T09:48:00.003-04:00

Leap Day!

2008-02-26T08:46:00.003-05:00

In honor of something that only comes around once every 4 years, I'm planning a party this Friday February 29th!

It will take place somewhere in Media, at an undisclosed time, in a yet as undisclosed location, but most likely atfter 7pm at the Plumstead if your going by Vegas odds.

Who's with me?

STARBUCKS IS CLOSING!

2008-02-26T08:04:00.004-05:00

Yeah OK, so it's only for 3 hours in order to "re-train" their employees in how to make a coffee. Seems the quality isn't up to snuff.

Of course, being one of those people who thinks STARBUCKS COFFEE is crap to begin with, three hours won't be nearly enough....

Magical MoC

2008-02-08T20:05:00.000-05:00

The mystical, magical world of MoC went into full swing tonight as we investigate the

phenomenon known as "left eye syndrome."

Check back later for more info....

Interesting experiment

2008-02-06T20:42:00.001-05:00

I found something out tonight that I think is interesting. Check it out for yourself and see if your results differ.

When I look at myself in the mirror, it turns out that my focus generally seems to fall onto the reflection of my right eye. In staring at myself it just feels natural to look into my right eye.

However, when I actually stare at myself in the "left eye" not only does it feel "not quite right" but if I stare long enough, it's like I'm looking at someone else. Sort of an evil MoC....

Go experiment and report back.

The "Breaking News"...here it is!

2008-01-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

OK people...you loyal few. Consider yourselves privileged because you have just entered what is known as "the cutting edge."

I am happy to announce that CNN is the mother of my child!

No, no, no wait a second. That's the wrong announcement.

Start over.

I am happy to announce that after more than a year of work (and another year I'll still be paying for it) that my website has finally launched. As loyal readers you have the privilege, no... the honor, no.... the DUTY of being the first visitors.

Now, before I give away the goods I'd like to take a moment to thank my dear friend Pecker and his company for all their help, support, patience and work in making this a reality! If I make only enough money off of this site to have you redesign it in two years with a limitless budget, I'll be more than happy!

And an additional thanks and a big kiss to the sexiest project manager in the world - Heidi, who is no longer my project manager so I can now come clean and announce... she is the mother of my child!

Or maybe that was meant to be a question?

So without further adieu or further jokes I present to you the live version (in beta form) of :

www.singmysong.com

BREAKING NEWS!

2008-01-16T04:44:00.001-05:00

All right people, listen up!

Sometime next week, and if I was a betting man like PokerPro I'd say Wednesday, there will be a breaking news flash right here at the MisAdventures of Chuck.

Until then, you'll get nothing from me. I'm too busy making the news, that I'm going to break!

So check back next week and see what it's all about.......

Bowflex

2008-01-10T06:52:00.000-05:00

This is my "Bowflex!" I bought on Ebay just before Christmas. It was supposed to arrive prior to Christmas and 6 of the 7 boxes did!

However, box #7 is nowhere to be found?

A couple days after receiving FedEx notification about the Bowflex and when it should arrive, I received UPS notification about 7 boxes scheduled to arrive Jan 4th.

So...while the 7th box never showed up, the 7 other boxes did!

Here is my "other" Bowflex.

If I use two Bowflex's, can I get in shape twice as fast?

The day after....

2008-01-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

MoC's head is keeping time nicely with his heart this morning, laying down a fantastic backing beat....perhaps I should have lightened up on the sake? After all it doesn't have xanthohumol!

Not to worry party-people, it isn't MoC's first hangover, certainly won't be his last, and nothing that another cup of fine Costa Rican coffee won't cure.

That being said, let me show you a couple of highlights;

Here's a mini bloggers convention at the Plum, with myself (smiling as to help my love life), Tedman, PokerPro and his girl Temptation!

(Just kidding PP, I know her name is Stella)

Prior to our after dinner drink, we naturally had.....before dinner drinks. This is where the sake enters the picture. Here are the boys, powering down a large sushi boat. That boat sank faster than the titanic.

One thing I would like to point out about this picture, which is odd - prior to Matt sitting down (he arrived a bit late) the four of us were all lefties! What are the odds of that?

hold on, I'm calculating........ 9,875,345 to 1!

Lagniappe - Of course, what New Year's eve review would be complete with out a pair of young tits in my hat!

Xanthohumol and a Happy New Year

2007-12-31T13:36:00.000-05:00

We here at MoC want to wish each and everyone one of you out there a happy new year and encourage each and everyone of you to get your RDA of xanthohumol (and considering what day it is, it shouldn't be a problem!)

What is xanthohumol you say?

"MoC, what is xanthohumol?"

Well done.

Xanthohumol is an effective cancer fighting agent, having shown in tests to kill breast, colon, ovarian and prostate cancers!

WOW! That's good news. (Especially for me, now that I'm over fourty!)

"But I've never heard of it, where do I find it?"

Ha ha ha ha....that's the beauty - YOU FIND IT IN BEER!

That's right, beer cures cancer. You heard it here first. So I recommend we all close out the year, start off the new year, with a big dose of xanthohumol!

Who's with me?

Slaunche.

Cheers.

Proost.

Na zdorovia.

Salud.

Banzai!

Christmas Eve Libation

2007-12-28T00:01:00.000-05:00

So, in case you have forgotten what MoC looks like during his absence from blogging, the exception of course being what I look like as the 'Green Goblin', well look no further.

Here I am with my Kris Kringle beard in full bloom, drinking my Christmas Eve libation at Sligo's and patiently waiting for the love of my life to walk thru the door. I even have a napkin out for her...

...you'd think after 20 years, I'd get bored and go home.

A Christmas present from me to you...

2007-12-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

Triplets - courtesy of Tom Robbins

I went to Satan's house.

His mailbox was painted black.

A fleet of bonecrushers

was parked in his driveway.

The thorns on his rosebushes

were longer than shivs.

And sixty-six roosters scratched

in his front, yard, their spurs

smoldering like cheap cigars.

I went to Satan's house.

It was supposed to be an Amway party.

I wanted one of those

hard as hell steak knives.

The ones that can't tell the difference

between mama's sponge cake

and a chunk of rock cocaine.

I went to Satan's house.

I felt a little out of place.

But Satan's twin daughters soon put me at ease.

They tried on funny hats for me,

showed me jewels,

danced around my chair.

They read my fortune

in a bowl of ashes,

let me pet their Dobermans,

and watch while they rinsed out their pink underthings.

I stopped by Satan's house.

I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

Satan came downstairs in a Raiders jacket.

His aura was like burnt rubber,

but his grin could paint a sunrise

on a coal shed wall.

"I see you've met Desire

and Fulfillment," he said,

polishing his monocle with

a blood-flecked rag.

"Regret is in the kitchen making coffee."

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T08:16:00.001-05:00

Gobble, gobble, gobble.

MMMMWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAA!

2007-10-28T16:24:00.000-04:00

Lie, steal and cheat to win...or just go on the juice

2007-10-09T07:46:00.000-04:00

I'll say this about Marion Jones, she's got balls. Figuratively of course, unless the steroid's she took happen to actually do more than she was intending? At least she admitted it, however late it may be and she seems to be paying the price for her actions.

Now what do we do with the rest of the cheaters? An ugly business this steroid problem....

Invisible Post

2007-09-22T12:15:00.001-04:00

PSA follow up

2007-09-19T19:04:00.000-04:00

Well, am I to assume based on the lack of response that my other 6 readers feel that global warming is a hoax and you are afraid of the verbal smackdown you might receive at the hands of MoC?

Fear not. PokerPro stood up and voiced his opinion and he's still alive and kicking, albeit only with his left leg....badumdum - ting!

Really, I thought I'd get a bit more out of those last two blogs, I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed.

I'm going to the Plummer to play stall footsies and reflect on the glory days.

Public Service Announcement (without guitar)

2007-09-14T09:20:00.000-04:00

Every once in awhile it is necessary for the powers-that-be here at MoC to stray from the ordinary line of self deprecating humor and to pick on CNN.

This isn't one of those times.

Editors sidebar:However, I would like to express to all the world at this time that while CNN might be fair of skin, she is far from fair of heart or humor, and it is only because I know she can take it, that I make her the butt (cute and rounded that it is) of my jokes.

Now back to our regularly scheduled PSA.

As I was saying, occasionally it is necessary to take the conversation here to a higher level and with that I pose the following question:

Do any of the 7 readers of my blog fall into the category of pin-headed ninnies that believe global warming is a hoax? (Regardless of if it was started by Al Gore or not, but extra credit if you admit to that too!)

Come on, don't be afraid. I promise I'll be gentle. I'll be taking comment role call, yea's means you believe it's a hoax, na's means you believe it's real.

Pin-headed ninnies will kindly do their blogging elsewhere in the future. We discriminate here at MoC.

Let's play stall footsies

2007-09-14T08:50:00.000-04:00

For your edification, in the Netherlands the bathroom stalls have walls that extend to the ground. Not only does this make it a lot less likely the person next to you will hear all the funny sounds that come out of your bottom while doing your business, it makes it damn near impossible to play stall footsies. Which is kind of funny given the casual attitude the Dutch have towards just about everything. This is after all the country that just found a man not guilty of having sex with a sheep, because the sheep was unable to testify that it didn't enjoy it.

Hmm.

From my friends at http://www.dictionary.com/

lewd - inclined to, characterized by, or inciting to lust or lechery; lascivious.

And

las·civ·i·ous - inclined to lustfulness; wanton; lewd

It seems a bit redundant to charge people with lewd & lascivious behaviour, no?

"Ah, Mr Beebe, I'm charging you with being drunk and intoxicated in public".

HUH?

So who thinks that our dear Senator Craig is actually being drummed out of congress because he committed some sort of crime? (no)

OR

America's homophobic attitudes and underlying fear of anything sexual? (yes)

Now, I'm not exactly sure what crimes he admitted to that he is now trying to recant. However, I suppose the girl who always raised her hand in class could find out for me? You know who you are.

But I do know it seems to me, that every Friday shortly after happy hour has started at the Plumstead that I could be busted for lewd and lascivious behaviour and being drunk and intoxicated in public.

WOW! That's a lot of crime.

Scofflaw out.

Chuck's ride yesterday

2007-09-12T06:40:00.000-04:00

I got done work early yesterday and decided to go for a little ride...

Stop the presses!

2007-09-09T23:06:00.003-04:00

The search is over.

I've found someone who owns a glue-bra.

Weekend riding

2007-09-09T23:02:00.000-04:00

Put a few miles on the KLR this weekend, the weather was too nice not to! I'd like to say this is me off in some field after a ride relaxing, but this one is staged and is actually in the jungle that is my mom's back yard.

I'm getting 45 mpg by my calculation, mostly riding around town. I'll be anxious to see what I get if I'm doing all highway miles?

A vacancy at the beer enthusiast

2007-09-04T21:57:00.000-04:00

chuck's new commute

2007-09-04T21:11:00.000-04:00

Here's my new toy. It was a bit shady by the time I got home, so this will have to do. I show you more pictures right after my first trip...

Bench part II

2007-09-04T21:07:00.000-04:00

So here is the bench in my mom's living room all decorated with dead animal skulls, antlers, mixing bowls, misc. totems and a stuffed owl. Everything a witch would need to cast a spell...

Happy Birthdady Didi

2007-09-04T07:41:00.001-04:00

The craftsman opened up the shop again last week, to finish up this project for my mom's birthday.

I didn't actually build the bench this time, just stripped and repainted.

I had some leftover cork flooring that I used to make the motif that I glued to the backrest. Unfortunatly, the glue expanded up around the edges of the pieces and gave me fits. For the most part I was able to get it off, but unlike wood I couldn't really sand it, or the color on the surface of the cork would come off.

I'll get the final picture for you today, of the bench resting and decorated in mom's living room.

In other news, maybe I put up a picture of my new toy?

Chain mail

2007-08-22T06:52:00.000-04:00

I'm not participating in your book of the month club Jojo, MoC can't read.....

Fresh coffee!

2007-08-21T06:25:00.000-04:00

My neighbor who's a tico, which means he's from Costa Rica in case you didn't know the term, just got back from a trip home.

I bring it up not to show that the corner or Lincoln & Lincoln is a diverse neighborhood, but because he brought me 6 lbs of coffee.

You heard right - SIX POUNDS!

I'm having a coffee party and you're all invited. Invitations forthcoming shortly....

Happy Birthday CNN

2007-08-20T07:26:00.000-04:00

Happy birthday wishes go out to CNN - the person, not the Ted Turner creation, who if she hadn't gone out with Ray, could have had some real fun with all her friends at the "Man in Black" show as well as the giant tuaca bottle.

Maybe next year.

all the leaves are brown....

2007-08-17T11:19:00.000-04:00

Viola! Chuck has been transported to Northern California wearing the same yellow shirt we last saw him in, hanging out with Moussa in Media.

Magic teleportation or merely a coincidence?

The size of the coastal redwoods (for you Dore - by the way, where are you?) always impressed me and pictures just can't do something that big justice.

But I digress as this was actually at the end of my trip, so let me back up...

Lest readers think PinFlight and CNN are the only two who know people getting married - think again. MoC also was able to crash a wedding - I mean was invited to the wedding of his two friends Neil and Julie, or as I prefer Dr and the Chef.

In typical California fashion it was a simple backyard casual affair, complete with Hawaiian shirts and flip flops. In fact being one of only two wearing a tie, I felt a bit over dressed. However, as I said to anyone who would listen, if I didn't wear a tie to the wedding, you'd never see me in one.

My congratulations go out to the two of you and it was a wonderful time, thanks for inviting me! And I won't embarrass you in MoC fashion by even mentioning that little incident with the ring on the wrong finger, although I do have the picture saved for posterity. Oh wait....too late.

Saturday Recap

2007-08-05T09:25:00.000-04:00

Here I am at the Plumstead, giving a little love to my friend Moussa.

And here I am a bit later giving a little love to my friend Natalie.

Apparently, it wasn't as well received.

Update!

2007-08-01T18:14:00.001-04:00

Well my friends, I know you have been waiting patiently like good little Buddhist's for signs of enlightenment from the Master (of ceremonies (MoC)) here at MoC. Or at least a good one-two punchline.

Well the wait is over, or just about.

I have it on good authority from multiple sources that you are about to be rendered borderline unconscious from the shock and awe blog attack that is to be unleashed in the coming days.

I asked the Magic 8 Ball - "will there be a blog explosion at MoC" and the answer was "sources say yes!"

I consulted the Farmers Almanac - and that's right- blog season opens Friday! A whole week early this year.

So sit back and have a cold two, after all who can have just one? And look forward to some of these upcoming blogs:

"Chuck and Moussa unleash revelry in the Plumstead."
How 30 days of Buns-of-Steel shaped my butt into that walnut all the girls of Brighton love.
My up close and personal interview with PinF - here forth know as PinFlight. (you heard it here first!)
Chuck returns to the land of the sequoia's - Humboldt Co.

Starts Friday, in a theater near you!

Magic 8 Ball

2007-07-25T06:46:00.000-04:00

The magic 8 ball says:

"Try again later."

Late night excitement

2007-07-11T23:04:00.001-04:00

My early AC filled sleep was rudely interrupted by the sounds of screeching tires followed closely by a bang, crunch, pop, bang and more tires.

The driver of a grey Honda - I know it's a gray Honda because he left his front bumper in the street (see below) ...

...was traveling around the corner a bit too fast. After bouncing off the Audi (see below)

(sorry about the quality, flash pictures don't work so well from a distance...)

it flew across the street and hit my neighbor Ricardo's car. He's from Costa Rica by the way!

Pushed his ass end up on the lawn.

Then in an apparent attempt to make his getaway, almost backed over the cliff, that was previously protected by the guard rail he took out on the first pass...

He was relatively quickly apprehended by the police.

No word yet on how many cocktails he had.

Battling Betty is in fine shape.

A message from Norm...

2007-07-11T18:36:00.000-04:00

Psycho

2007-06-29T04:13:00.000-04:00

I'm a little freaked out at the moment and can't sleep.

I heard shuffling out in the kitchen and got up to see what was going on, only to find Norman coming down the hall....

Obviously his last name is Bates!

He's got to go.

Homeless

2007-06-28T19:41:00.000-04:00

What is it that generally makes the average person shy away from a homeless person?

In fact, not even shy away, but usually have anger even if it's not expressed towards a homeless person?

Why feel anger towards someone you don't know? Towards someone who could probably use your help?

Well I know why.

IT'S BECAUSE IT'S 7 AM IN THE MORNING AND I'M TRYING TO RELAX BEFORE WORK AND ENJOY MY COFFEE AND READ THE PAPER, NOT HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU ACROSS THE ROOM YOU CRAZY LADY IN A REDSKINS WOOL CAP WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE 90 DEGREES OUTSIDE! I'M NOT EVEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO YOU! NOW GET BACK OUT ON THE STREET AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

Oh, before you go....how do you like my bench?

New picture

2007-06-26T18:16:00.000-04:00

Recently seen hanging on the walls of my Lincoln & Lincoln apartment.

Goodbye leather tool belt

2007-06-25T09:19:00.000-04:00

This is old news, but worth reporting and since I'm not working this morning (it's raining at the moment) and the blog is about something related to work, I figured it's about time I write it.

You see, two weeks ago I bought my second tool belt. Now you have to realize this is my second tool belt in my entire life. The first one lasted twenty years and was still going strong! It only needed a new hammer holder.

I was a bit worried to be honest about making the switch after all, I could grab and put back any tool in my belt with my eyes closed, like a soldier disassembling his M16. It was comfortable like an old pair of sneakers. Actually it wasn't very comfortable, just like old sneakers aren't really comfortable, but still, it was familiar.

Still, change is inevitable and it was time for an upgrade. Now I'm wearing the Construction Master 1100! (see below)

Nobody is wearing the CM1100 but MoC. I'm on the cutting edge. It's a prototype. Yeah sure, lots of carpenters have the CM700 or CM800 series. Some newbies have the CM900 or maybe, just maybe the CM1000. And a few old carpenters who finally give into change like myself might upgrade and therefore have a newer model like the CM1000.

But only MoC has the CM1100....

MoC in action with the CM1100. What you'll notice most about this picture is the CM1100 rides on the sides of my hips, where as old leather rode on the front of my thighs. Also, the tape holder is now in the back and the buckle in the front, where as it used to be the tape was in the front and the buckle in the back.

Not that might not seem like a big deal until you go to reach for your tape measure and unbuckle you tool belt, which proceeds to drop to the ground, leaving you open to ridicule from the other carpenters...

7 Stones Bench

2007-06-25T09:13:00.000-04:00

Free coffee for the rest of the year!

That's right, a major score by MoC, if I may say so myself.

Two weekends ago at this point, I opened up the "driveway woodshop" again and built the below bench for my friends at 7 Stones. The pictures don't do it justice I'm afraid, and I can't take credit for the painting on the backrest, only for being smart enough to ask Natalie to do it for me.

But I'm happy with the way it came out. Stop in and check it out one of these days.

The Gnome part deux

2007-06-25T08:43:00.000-04:00

Norman showed up a week ago.

Actually, Norman (that's his name by the way) was left on my doorstep a week ago. All cute and wrapped up with a little note, like a baby left in a basket. That's how I know his name is Norman, it was in the note.

Norman was left by a merry prankster, or should I say a Mary-prankster who was aware of my bad experience with Travelocity. How she got a hold of him I still don't know, but she only takes in stray dogs. It seems stray gnomes aren't part of the deal and since Norman has a grudge against Travelocity as well, she thought he might be good company for me.

Now talking with Norman is a bit like talking with....well, with a Mexican landscaper. I'm pretty sure he understands everything I'm saying, but I have a hard time understanding what he's saying. He starts speaking gnomish and it sounds like gibberish. But as best as I can gather Norman's story goes something like this;

It seems the "Roaming Gnome" that we all recognize as the face of Travelocitys commercials, (who's name by the way is Roman) actually has a stunt double, or did, who's name is Norman. And as is typical in Hollywoodland, ego's sooner or later get in the way. Norman, grew jealous of Roman's increasing fame for doing as he put it "nothing but standing around and looking pretty!"

When Roman says the line that "American appliances won't work in Europe" it's Norman that gets blown across the room.

More and more Norman's failure to be recognized as the real talent of the Travelocity commercials, lead him down a deeper and darker path of despair and drink, until one day he finally had enough and walked away from it all. That's why you haven't seen any new Travelocity commercials lately. They haven't been able to find a replacement - or so says Norman.

Last weekend I came home to find Norman had eaten the last piece of pizza and drank all of my beer and the last half bottle of wine, then passed out on the kitchen floor. Where does he put it all? I'm not sure what to do with the little drunk.....

Roamin' - the back story

2007-06-22T06:21:00.000-04:00

So it was right about this time two weeks ago I was on my way over to Flash's house for our two day getaway to Kentucky. We had planned the trip about three weeks prior using Travelocity to book everything - flight, hotel and rental car.

We get to the airport and start to look for our 8:10 am flight, but can't find it on the board anywhere? Seems strange. We stop at the USAir counter and they tell us gate B6 so we head on back. We get to gate B6 and the sign on the wall says San Francisco. A nice place no doubt, but not where we were planning on going. We ask the guy at the counter what's going on and he proceeds to tell us we are a bit early for our flight, which doesn't depart until 8:10 PM.

And we thought we were late.

We look at each other dumb-founded wondering how this could have happened? After all, Flash had his best guy at the computer booking the tickets. A guy known as I.T. in some circles - me!

Luckily, we were able to get re-ticketed on another flight which got us into Kentucky only 2 hours later than we would have originally, but the mystery of this mix up would bother me for the whole weekend. (and the next 2 weeks!)

We picked up the car at Hertz (OJ was nowhere to be found) and headed on our way. Flash hadn't been back to Bolling Green for 10 years and the main drag was a bit more developed than when he was last there. There were hotels everywhere, all though having spent two days in BG, I can't imagine what they need so many of them for?

If you can name a hotel I bet it was on the strip. If you can't name a hotel, chances are it was the one we booked through Travelocity. We picked what looked to be a decent hotel known as America's Best Value Inn. It had a pool. When we finally found it, it looked deserted. There were only three cars in the lot and it was obvious it was recently bought because the black paint over the "Super 8" sign wasn't doing it's job.

We drove around back to find the "pool" which looked more like a horse trough and both came to the mutual conclusion that we weren't staying there. I think we had thoughts of the Bates Motel running thru our heads.

Luckily for us Tom Bodet left the light on right down the street, another disaster averted. Once we checked in to the Motel 6, I called Travelocity to tell them we were cancelling our reservation at the Bates Best Value Inn. 48 minutes on the phone on and off of hold. That's right 48! As if I didn't have better things to do.

So in an effort to shorten this story up a bit - the rest of the trip in Kentucky was fine. I'm convinced Travelocity's computers screwed up our reservation and I base this on the fact that upon my arrival home I tried to book the same exact vacation, only with the 8:10pm flight we were on, and I couldn't find it anywhere on Travelocity's website.

And all this brings me to my current dislike of the Roaming Gnome. No make that hatred. As strong word yes, but one that is accurate.

Which in turn brings me to the story of how that little bastard came to be eating my pizza.

But that's a blog for another day.......

Attack of the Gnome

2007-06-21T21:36:00.001-04:00

You were right Pecker - I went to get some leftovers only to find the following:

Little bastard!

Summer Solstice 07

2007-06-21T18:58:00.000-04:00

Well, I couldn't get any virgins to respond to the "wanted" ads I posted in 5 major city papers, so instead I devoured a large Apollo pizza and a beer in honor of the first day of summer.

I think I made the right choice.

Tune in tomorrow when I offer up the back story of my adventures with Travelocity and the evil little gnome....

Roamin' with the Gnome...

2007-06-18T21:02:00.000-04:00

Caught in the act!

I'm convinced gremlins messed up (almost) my trip to Kentucky two weekends ago. But I see it was none other than Travelocitys roaming gnome himself who tried to sabotage our reservations!

See for yourself -

cocobolo

2007-06-04T10:34:00.000-04:00

My table has finally arrived, it was dropped off by Pedro last week. I spent the weekend in a fung shui meditation state to come up with how to properly display it in my little den of iniquity...

For those of you who may never have the privilage of actually seeing it in person here it is.

Of course, I must give credit to the master craftsman who makes Norm look like a chump in the woodshop!

de Grote Donorshow

2007-05-31T06:04:00.000-04:00

Hey, I've discovered this thing called a blog! Check it out. Hahaha, that's a little lazy blogger humor.

So my friends the Dutch, the inventor of the "reality show" by the way. That's right, they've invented dikes, reality shows and dykes. Who knew?

So they are making a stir in the news with their new show where a woman dying from a brain tumor is offering one of her kidneys to one of three contestants who need a transplant. The government said it won't stop it because that's censorship.

Starts Friday.

Instant Karma

2007-05-22T07:05:00.001-04:00

Did you catch this one on the news?

A man tries to kill his sleeping girlfriend by parking the car on the train tracks. As he's getting out of the way the train comes, hits the car and sends it flying right into the guy.

He's dead, she's fine.

Like John Lennon said - "instant Karma's gonna get you"

FALnotsoWELL

2007-05-16T06:42:00.000-04:00

Insert blog here

26 miles across the sea...Santa Catalina is the place for me

2007-05-11T09:34:00.000-04:00

MoC's former stomping grounds - Santa Catalina Island - off the coast of L.A. are on fire!

It seems the fire is right on the outskirts of Avalon, (MoC was at the other end of the island - the "Isthmus").

Avalon, Catalina as opposed to Avalon NJ, is where Chuck got his "wikiwacked" at Luau Larry's, got his flattop flattened (when he actually had hair) at Lolo's barber shop, played golf on the 9 hole golf course, drank "Consuelo's" at Mi Casita's, drank Capt.-n-cokes at the Chi Chi club, spent 3 days in the hospital after running a boat into a buoy and fell in love. (no not all in 1 night! well, actually maybe all in 1 night?)

Now the falling in love part had nothing to do with the 3 days in the hospital, they were completely separate incidents. Coming around the point at night is when I bumped into the buoy. Coming around the corner in the day time, is when I bumped into Heather. However, the 3 days in the hospital may have had something to do with the "Consuelo's" at Mi Casita's and a late night at the Chi Chi club. I don't remember - and unlike Gonzales, I have 20 years on my side as an excuse. That and that old Morgan fellow.

I wish I had pictures, well actually I do. I just don't have them in digital. They weren't on the market yet, but if you would like to stop over sometime, I can show you an old photo album?

Chuck's house

2007-05-07T17:41:00.000-04:00

Here's Chuck's house. In fact, that's MoC himself, putting the second coat of poly on his new bed frame.

If you are looking for me, confusingly - I'm at the corner -

Here's the front of my new pad -

Here is the finished bed frame. It's looking pretty good to me.

"Listen up fat-asses"

2007-04-28T08:25:00.000-04:00

Mean Chuck here, stepping in for MoC, with a public service announcement -

Because I know that all of you need to lose a few pounds, and it's not open for discussion - you do, I'm going to let you in on my little secret...The Polar Heart Rate Monitor (see above).

Now I know that all of you prefer to go through life as the autonomous robots that you are, but should you decide to get off your fat-asses and exercise - this is a must have.

Let me repeat that, with capitalization for emphasis - THIS IS A MUST HAVE!

And really, even if you don't want to exercise, this is still a must have for weight loss.

It's a simple equation, burn more calories than you consume and you lose weight. How do you know if you are burning more calories than you consume, when you don't know how many calories you consume or how many calories you burn? And again, it's not open for discussion - you don't.

This will at least tell you how many you expend, even while sitting around on your fat-ass, and the battle is then half won.

This concludes Mean Chucks P.S.A.

Words of the Day for Saturday

2007-04-28T07:31:00.000-04:00

"I used her services, but only for massages..."

"I don't recall..."

"Mission accomplished..."

Scoundrels.
Caitiffs.
Cheats, crooks, dastards.
Good-for-nothings.
Incorrigibles, knaves, lowlifes, maggots.
Mischief-makers, miscreants, ne'er-do-wells, pricks, rascals, reprobates, rogues, scalawags, scamps, sleazeballs, slime buckets, wretches and with all do respect to Cher - gypsies, tramps and thieves....

Did I forget anything?

MGS

2007-04-27T09:38:00.000-04:00

MGS - that's short for Mars Global Surveyor and while this is a bit of an old story, it's raining today and I need something to do, so I'm going to make fun of NASA. Pictures to be coming soon over at the gallery....

It seems that after serving faithfully for 10 years, the MGS finally burned up like the wings of Icarus after engineers uploaded the wrong bit of code to the surveyor. When they tried to correct the initial problem, the solar panels ended up getting point directly at the sun which caused the batteries to overheat.

Oops!

New Table

2007-04-27T09:22:00.000-04:00

So, MoC decided to begin furnishing his new apartment and went out and got himself a doozy of a new table - cocobolo.

Say it - "cocobolo." It just rolls off the tongue.

So check it out, it's an original, one of a kind, hand made, real piece of furniture and MoC might have to give up beer for a month in order to balance the books.

It will be available for viewing at my new location upon delivery.

Monday update

2007-04-23T07:06:00.000-04:00

Well I've got good news, it's your lucky day!

That's right. Your here, and you are actually rewarded with something new to read! Now, if I can only make it entertaining....let me apologize up front, it probably won't be. That said let's get started, but let me back up a bit -

The past month I've jumped right back into the carpentry field and managed to smash my thumb only once. However, that has kept me pretty busy and left little time for blogging. In addition, not having an Internet connection of my own, made it a bit harder to get online.

That has all been resolved. Yesterday, Comcast was here to hook me up and I've signed my life away getting one of their "bundle" packages - Cable, Internet (high speed of course), Phone, morning coffee and laundry service. It's the deluxe package and I think I'm paying $250/month.

Of course, having my Internet hooked up, means that I have to have a wall for the cable to stick out of. This was resolved last week when I found a nice little apartment in Media (see picture). My thanks to PokerPro for helping me, or in this case reverse helping me. By not being in the office on any of the one, two, three occasions that I stopped in, I was forced to find an apartment from someone other than Media Real Estate.

Here's a picture of the new command center. I'm enjoying a Monday morning before work in my own living room, watching sport center and typing a blog. Now if I could only figure out when Comcast will get here to make me some coffee?

BREAKING NEWS!

2007-04-13T08:32:00.000-04:00

Stop the presses!

We interrupt my regularly scheduled blog for a breaking news story!

No, it's not that Imus was fired.

No, it's not that Larry Birkhead is the father.

Snatched from Philly Inquirer this morning, something everyone of you should be concerned about. Or at least me -

'Gonorrhea gaining resistance to drugs'

And Philadelphia not being one to shy away from a challenge and put up a good fight, is leading the nation among heterosexual men with the highest percentage of drug-resistant infections! A group that I am proud to include myself in!

Uh, that being the heterosexual group, not the infected heterosexual group with the drug resistant infection.

My summer recreation plans might have to change....

Easter

2007-04-08T07:37:00.000-04:00

While the rest of the world sleeps, the cast and crew of MisAdventures of Chuck blog are hard at work bringing you the best of the blog-O-sphere* and as Poker Pro says " a reason to go to work on Monday!"

This morning I set out for the Seven Stone to get my morning cup of pick-me-up only to be greeted by a "closed for Easter" sign.

"Hmmm, let's try the koffee korner" I think to myself. No luck. "Closed for Easter" the sign says, right below the sign stating that "long haired freaky people need not apply..."

Now MoC is starting to get pissed!

"Closed" is anti-Easter for crying out loud.

Resurrection? Rebirth? Celebration? These are all things synonymous with being "OPEN."

Closed? Closed is death. Closed is black. Closed is withdrawal. Closed is rejection. Closed is Frederique van der Wal's most holy spot.

MoC doesn't like closed. MoC doesn't subscribe to closed. MoC may have to sacrifice a fluffy bunny and go frolic with Pan in protest....

Happy Easter everyone.

*based on an unofficial survey

April is here, and I saw flurries

2007-04-05T14:11:00.000-04:00

Well it's been a light week for MoC, only 15 hours, accompanied by a rare weekday off, so I used that time productively and got caught up on a bunch of stuff.

.....WHOA, WHOA, WHOA - cool your brains down and stop red-lining, you don't want to overheat! I know what you're saying; "A light week? A rare day off? The guy doesn't work!"

Well that was "MoC 2006 - year of the unemployed." This is MoC 2007 - year of the entrepreneur" we're talking about and being an entrepreneur takes money. So it's back to work. Besides, my Ameriprise Financial Planner told me that if I ever hoped to conquer the universe, it might be best to start with at least two nickles to rub together. So off I went...

Anyway, I had Tuesday off and took advantage of the time to do my taxes for last year. Turns out it really was the "year of the unemployed" as I hit an all-time low in income! I'm so proud of myself! Now, just when I was getting a handle on the whole barter thing, BANG!, life sucks me back into the 9-5 like a Dyson sucks dust. Crap. Oh well, no one said being an entrepreneur was easy.

Tuesday I have a meeting with my people. That's right, MoC has people. All kinds of people in fact, but Tuesday I'm meeting with my web people. Some of you may know my web people or at least one of them. He comments here sometimes as "Pecker." He's also been known to play the straight man to PinF's jokes.....

Pecker and his company are going to design my website for "singmysong.com" which is a little idea I had that I thought might be fun to pursue. So I am. It should be making it's debut sometime towards the middle of the summer. Look for it.

Until then.

Entrepreneur out.

It will be one of two things...

2007-03-30T06:39:00.000-04:00

So I'm driving back from the airport this morning - I was giving PinF's brother Flash a ride to PHL so he could spend 10 days sitting in the sun in West Palm Beach. (Why can't those guys get normal names?).

Listening to the news on XPN, they were talking about the problems Alberto Gonzales is having. They mentioned that behind the scenes George W was telling republicans that Alberto will have to clean up his own mess.

Gonzales isn't one of GW's cronies, so GW is leaving him hanging out to dry. Which brings me to the original point of this whole blog - one of two things will happen.

I have before me, a well worn, grimy old Nike running shoe, which If I'm correct, has some recently fresh dog poo still stuck between what's left of the grooves in the sole. For the curious, it happens to be the left shoe.

I am now hermaphroditically sealing it in a sterile bag -It's a running show for males or females. (It's called writers liberties!)

I will be putting it aside in a box for a brief, or not so brief period of time, until it is needed again. That point will be when - drum roll please;

I believe in 20 years time, and I think 20 years is sufficient but I might wait 50 just to be sure, that history will show that George W is one of the worst presidents ever.

So, one of two things will happen, either he is one of the worst presidents ever, in which case I will throw my old poo encrusted sole of a Nike running shoe that is unisexual away. Or, he isn't in which case I will eat it. That's right, I'LL EAT IT.

And I won't use salt either.

It's been posted on the MoC blog, so it may as well be carved in stone. Check back in the next 20-50 years to see what happens.

Chuck out.

Chuck's back, but will his readers return?

2007-03-23T11:50:00.000-04:00

Ok, ok, ok.......no, I'm not dead. But thanks for worrying! It has after all only been 20 days, but maybe in "blogger world", that's an eternity?

Between moving again, and not having access to the Internet, I mean high speed access to the Internet, after all, who uses 28.8 dial up besides my mother, I just haven't had time to blog. Or maybe it's that I haven't had the desire or anything to blog about? Either way, it's time to get back on the horse...

For the benefit of my reading public I have arranged a temporary office space utilizing blazing fast Comcast high speed and a brand new computer. So new in fact it's got Windows Vista on it. Does that make me the first kid on my block to have Vista?

(Considering how opposed I was to upgrading my blogger, I don't think being the first kid on the block to have Vista is a good idea)

Now all I have to do is brew myself a good cup of coffee and wait for the creativity to flow....

Another quote from Teddy R.

2007-03-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Back when I first started blogging, one of my early posts, the now forgotten "lost blogs" had a quote from Teddy Roosevelt that I copied off a postcard on Andre's wall.

Last night when surfing the web I came across another one, that I like so much I decide to print it for you here today.

The next time you here someone even mention the word "unpatriotic," before they even get to finish their point, shout out this quote at them -

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”

- Theodore Roosevelt quote

Then if that doesn't change their point of view, hit them with a BIG STICK!

That's so gay....

2007-03-01T18:16:00.000-05:00

The PC police are at it again.

I'm not a big fan of PC first of all. People are too sensitive these days. In browsing the web today I came across this article -

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17388702/?GT1=9145

The Cliff Notes version is some kids in high school were teasing a girl about being Mormon. One of them asked the question "if she had 10 moms" and she shot back "that's so gay."

This got here in trouble with the principle and now her parents are in a lawsuit with the school over first amendment rights.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I mean, I'm not faulting the parents. What's up with the school? Do we have to be that protective? I can understand exactly the context that was meant when she responded, because it was the same context I would have meant it in when I was running around high school saying everything was "so gay."

But what really gets me is why didn't the lawyer just provide the following:

gay –adjective
1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.
2. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
3. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
4. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.
5. homosexual.

Do you notice any reference to homosexual doesn't show up until number #5? And if you look up the definition of licentious -

li·cen·tious –adjective
1. sexually unrestrained; lascivious; libertine; lewd.
2. unrestrained by law or general morality; lawless; immoral.
3. going beyond customary or proper bounds or limits; disregarding rules.

It seems to me, having 10 moms would be 1,2 and 3! So in fact the girls response to the question was in fact correct.

There. Now that I've vented I feel gay.

Case closed.

Judge Brimstone and Hellfire out.

Blizzard '07

2007-02-16T09:18:00.000-05:00

Fear not Pecker, I'm alive and well, both feet intact! The final tally according to the news was 29" in Stowe, but with the wind blowing the way it was, there were some good drifts here and there.

Like in front of my door. I had to exit the property thru the slider around back and trek thru

crotch deep snow to get up here. At the time I only had a broom (and the two shovels you saw yesterday). Luckily the snow was nothing but powder and you could actually sweep it away.

Here's me standing in 3+ feet of snow. I know the pictures never do it justice...

Under all this snow somewhere, is my split rail fench. It was covered over mostly by the snow plows. The biggest casualty of the storm are the mailboxs that just get smashed up when the plow comes by. Mostly from all the flying snow getting pushed out of the way.

I did hear on the news though that a few barn roofs caved in, and the cost of milk might go up...

Here's a couple views of the driveway...Battling Betty has gone AWOL.

...and the Toyota is for sale if anyone's interested?

Journal entry

2007-02-15T11:06:00.000-05:00

Journal entry #279 -

This is the journal entry of Chuck, on February....I'm not even sure of the date at this point, I think it's Friday, but maybe not. The storm was considerably worse than predicted and I fear my window of opportunity to hike out has long passed. I'll just have to ride it out.

Journal entry #280-

This is Chuck again. I now haven't eaten in 3 days since the last of my rice ran out...making matters worse, I'm running low on water. Reconsidering my plan to hike out. I've decided it's better to die in the cold trying, than sitting around here....

Journal entry #281 -

Chuck here. A small problem. I've managed to include a picture of my snow shovels - as you can

see there is not much of a selection. I can actually flick the snow away faster with the one on the left - flick, flick, flick, but the holes don't help as a lot of snow falls through. The one on the right holds considerably more snow, but I have to be much slower and more methodical. ....I don't think I'll be able to dig myself out. With that in mind I'm getting hungry and thinking maybe I should eat my foot.....

Joornal enntry 2 888888 -

Chuk....I'm fading fast. kant holdd on much longer.......

Snow Update!

2007-02-14T18:58:00.000-05:00

"How high is the water, mama?

Two feet high and rising"

-Johnny Cash

"How high is the snow, Chucky?

Two feet high and rising"

-Chuck

Annual Dr's Checkup

2007-02-14T08:34:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was my annual checkup. I always do it the day before Valentines Day. It makes it easy to remember when it is for one, and while I may not get chocholates or flowers today, yesterday I got something, something I will spend the next 6 months trying to forget. The conversation went something like this -

"Dr, what's up with the medical world?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, they have this drug Caduet that you take to help prevent heart attacks, then if you stop taking it, a side effect is a heart attack! Brilliant! How does that sort of thing get approved?"

(eyes closed, fingers already massaging temples) "How is your health?"

"Oh, not good! I've got this problem sleeping. I keep waking up at night to pee, often, like 4 or 5 times. I think I have BHP. Maybe I need some Flomax?"

"It's BPH and you're fine, I just checked...I suggest you stop drinking fluids after 5 pm, especially 7 or 8 beers...."

"Ok, well I have another problem. My bowel movements have been really loose. I think I have some sort of a.....a rectal dysfunction. I think I might need some Levitra?"

(massaging temples more vigorously now) "YOU DON'T NEED LEVITRA. LEVITRA IS FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. E-REC-TILE. NOT A RECTAL DYSFUNCTION. AGAIN I SUGGEST YOU STOP DRINK BEER AT NIGHT. GIVE UP THE 4 CUPS OF COFFEE YOU HAVE EVERY MORNING AND EAT MORE FIBER. YOU'LL BE FINE!"

"Dr, I...."

(interrupting) "Chuck, you're in perfect health. However, I would like to refer you to a Dr. down that hall and have him examine you. His name is Dr Freud."

Valentines precursor

2007-02-13T11:28:00.000-05:00

What does MoC get for Valentines you ask? A box of chocolates? No. A 4-handed massage? No. Flowers? No, no and no!

While the weather in West Palm is down-right balmy - (see handy graphic below) and looks to remain that way all week. Notice nothing out of the ordinary in the graphic below...78* but feels like 80*. Reverse wind chill I guess?
and the weather in Media is pretending to be winter like (again, see handy graphic below). Notice the cute orange "severe" weather alert. Ohhhh, light snow! Rush to the Wawa...26* feels like 16*.

For Valentines, MoC gets a blizzard. Notice my special red alert, with the additional "heavy snow" warning at the bottom. They're talking possibly 2 Feet. That's right, feet. Oh, and it's zero out and feels like -13*!

Happy Valentines Day Chuck. At least I have 24 hours to find someone to get snowed in with....

Sunday morning reading

2007-02-11T10:00:00.000-05:00

Here at MisAdventures of Chuck, I've had my interns scouring the Internet to find all the interesting stories so you won't have to! So as you drink your Sunday morning coffee and browse over here for some reading, kindly allow me to redirect you to any one or all of the following.

Enjoy.

To see what happens when big egos get in bed together, go here:

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/02/11/news/letter.php

Or, if you want to find out why it might be a good time to buy a boat, or if you're Hari, build and ark, go here:

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/02/02/news/climate.php

Lastly, have you ever been to Mt Everest base camp? No? I'm surprised. But I bet you've seen pictures - the place is littered with debris, which is just a polite way of saying garbage. Oxygen tanks mostly, a few dead bodies here and there higher up on the mountain and misc other stuff. It gets taken, but never removed.

Actually, you may not have seen the pictures. Even though they are out there, they probably aren't published as much as others, because who wants to picture Mt Everest as a dump?

Turns out space is the same way.

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/02/06/healthscience/web.0206space.php

We humans spend most of the day talking shit, a bit of the day leaving piles of it behind in the toilet, and apparently everywhere else we go as well...

Cheers and happy reading!

MoC

PinF SPAMMED me again...

2007-02-09T13:03:00.000-05:00

...and the bottom link didn't work either....

Big Brother

2007-02-09T08:17:00.000-05:00

Well in trying to log into Blogger this morning, I was finally forced to switch to the new Blogger. I was instantly greated at the Dashboard by all sorts of bells and whistles and proceeded to faint.

I'm ok now.

In other news, had my Internet been working this past week, I would have filled the e-waves of space with one of those crappy "filler" blogs I post once in awhile. It would have talked about how much I hate the TV show Entertainment Tonight.

Don't watch it you say? Well I don't. But I'm still forced to see what will be on that nights show during the 17 commercial breaks they have, while I watch the news, and every night it's another Anna Nicole story!

I would have blogged about how sick I am of it, and that the best thing for everyone, ANS included would be to just go off and die. There will be no graceful end for Anna.

Hmmm. Simple Celestine Prophecy coinicidence or Magic MoC working the undercurrents of the 7th dimension?

You decide.

And had my Internet been working earlier this week I certainly would have blogged about the latest goings on in space, or at least at everyone's favorite space agency - NASA.

You know, at one time MoC had thoughts of becoming an astronaut. That's right. Back when I was in college.

You see the first step in becoming an astronaut is usually to be a physics major and MoC was a physics major. (you didn't know that about MoC did you?)

The second step to becoming an astronaut is to be a good physics major, and well, that ended MoC's career as an astronaut.

In order to set the Humboldt State record for most intramural champioinships won in a 5 year span, I had to make some sacrifices....and going to the library was one of them. I have no regrets.

Back to NASA...oh what the hell, why bother. All the diaper jokes have already been made and I only really wanted to make the joke about myself anyway.

Chuckster out.

PS - In honor of NASA we will do a count down to my first post with the new blogger. I hope to see you again after liftoff.

T-minus 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...PUBLISH

MIA MoC

2007-02-07T11:52:00.000-05:00

Don't worry - not that you have been - but MoC isn't really MIA, he's just getting a new ISP. I have been without Internet this past week, so even my boredom has been bored. With a bit of luck and considering we're talking about Verizon maybe a lot of luck, it should be up and running tonight. At least, that's what they tell me. I translate that to mean sometime Saturday if I'm lucky....

Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Ode to Jojo and the benefits of humidity

2007-01-30T09:16:00.000-05:00

If Jojo lived in a bubble, the humidity level would be high,
Her skin would be moist, not at all itchey, and her eyes would never be dry.

If Jojo lived in a bubble, she would also be high,
The second hand smoke would have second hand smoke,
and there'd be a hint of red in her eye.

If Jojo lived in a bubble, there'd be "champagne wishes and cavier dreams",
The expense of which would be matched, by the savings on lotions and creams.

If Jojo lived in a bubble, would Axel live there too?
Or would he just visit and say hello, when Jojo was lonely and blue?

If Jojo lived in a bubble.

By MoC

MoC in Stowe - a self portrait #2 in a series

2007-01-29T08:44:00.000-05:00

MoC in Stowe - a self portrait

2007-01-28T20:22:00.000-05:00

Just another day at the beach....

2007-01-27T16:44:00.000-05:00

2007-01-27T09:12:00.000-05:00

The good news is, while it's -8*F, it only feels like -8*F. PinF - go to the beach for me and bottle up some sunny and 78*F will you?

As a side note, did you know that Stowe is the second most overcast (fewest days of sunshine)city in the USA next to Seattle? Neither did I... PinF, better make it a double!

Flashback - Jan 27 2006

2007-01-27T08:55:00.000-05:00

On this date last year I was living here -

And this is what I looked like drinking coffee on my front porch -

This year, I'm living here -

I tried to get a picture of myself drinking coffee on my front porch (albeit not in shorts) but the coffee froze solid and I don't have a porch...

This frozen tundra picture happens to transition nicely to my next post "bring on the HEAT"...purely unintentional, but nice none the less.

Bring on the "heat"

2007-01-26T23:16:00.000-05:00

I'm going up the country, baby, don't you wanna go
I'm going up the country, baby, don't you wanna go
I'm going to some place where I've never been before

I'm going, I'm going where the water tastes like wine
I'm going where the water tastes like wine
We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time

I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
All this fussing and fighting, man, you know I sure can't stay

Now, Baby, pack your leaving trunk, you know we got to leave today
Just exactly where we going I can not say
But we might even leave the U.S.A.
'Cause it's a brand new game, and I want to play

No use of you running or screaming and crying
'Cause you got a home as long as I've got mine

I don't know?...I just always liked this song!

De do do do, de da da da

2007-01-26T10:32:00.000-05:00

Word on the street is the Police are getting back together for a 30 year reunion? I'm waiting for confirmation from Hari, E.T. (not the extraterrestrial, but the show), Rolling Stone or David "Lestor" Jones....whichever comes first.

That is one group I would gladly shell out a $100+ for, to catch again, provided they don't do to many of Sting's solo works...

In other news...

2007-01-25T10:37:00.000-05:00

I was glancing at the Burlington Free Press this morning over coffee and the picture on the front page of the business section caught my eye - the caption below it mentioned Media, PA! I of course immediately went online to try to find it for you, but it's nowhere to be found....I guess you will just have to take my word for it.

Sorry people, but that's the best I got.

Questions?

2007-01-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

Why is it called "the State of the Union" when all the President talks about is what is going to happen in the future?

How do those two nimrods in cell phone commercial, the ones who butcher the words to the Clash's "Rock the Casbah" actually download the song, when the title is "Rock the Casbah?"

How do Japanese Maples photosynthesize with red leaves?

Stowe Winter Carnival

2007-01-22T10:37:00.000-05:00

This weekend was the Stowe Winter Carnival. One of the events taking place was an ice carving contest. Here are a few of the sculptures that are around the town. It's probably good that the weather decided to act like winter...

Sorry I didn't get any pictures of the Jagermeister girls.....

Wu Wei blog

2007-01-20T10:20:00.000-05:00

Ad-Aware

2007-01-18T11:09:00.000-05:00

"Can I get an AMEN!"

Money well spent...?

2007-01-17T10:03:00.000-05:00

Graphic courtesy of today's New York Times.

My vacation to the REAL WORLD

2007-01-15T10:42:00.000-05:00

The question came up in the comments – "where have you gone Joe Dimaggio" or in this case MofC? Well I’ll tell you. I left the comfy confines of Rosecoloredglassesland and returned to the Real World Philadelphia. Not the MTV version of the same name mind you, but the actual real world Philadelphia. By the way, I hated it. The real world sucks. Both of them.

However, it does have one nice advantage – cable TV. Yes, the real world has cable TV. Rosecoloredglassesland has rabbit ears and CBS. How "Ghost Whisperer" manages to stay on the air, I can only attribute to two reasons....

It was while watching cable TV in the real world Philadelphia that I noticed a commercial with Dennis Hopper, for Ameriprise Financial about retiring in Dreamland. This sounded great to me! It’s exactly what I want, a vacation to Dreamland, or better yet, a retirement! While Rosecoloredglassesland is very close to Dreamland, both of which are nowhere near Real World Philadelphia land, it would be a welcome change. I decided to set out for Dreamland and arranged a meeting with my Ameriprise Financial advisor to discuss my trip. His name was Bob.

After a brief introduction and the normal first round of questions, Bob and I got down to the nitty-gritty. The first thing he wanted to know was how old I was? When I told him I was forty I could tell by his reaction something was wrong? I told him I always fancied myself as somewhat of a late bloomer. "No problem" he said. "You’re getting a bit of a late start, so tell me what to you have saved for your trip to Dreamland?"

"Nothing" I said.

"Cash in the bank?"

"No."

"Stocks or Bonds?"

"No."

"Home equity?"

"No."

"Gold bullion?"

"No"

"Other precious metals?"

"No."

"Any nuclear material you can sell?"

"No. However I can probably get my spy friend DK to give me some Polonium-210 if you want me to poison your boss. What’s it worth to you?"

"No thanks. Do you have anything of value at all?"

"Yes."

"GOOD! WHAT IS IT" he asked with excitement?

"I do have 30 year old stamp collection, that has been kept in my mom’s attic for the past 29 years. The heat in the summertime has caused all the stamps to fuse together into one giant stamp."

"I see."

"And what exactly is your Dream Mr. Beebe" Bob asked?

"An Empire" I said. "I want an Empire."

"Do you really think that is realistic given your situation?"

"Bob, your not much of a financial planner are you? Plus, you’re a lousy travel agent! It’s called Dreamland for a reason..."

It looks like for the time being, I’m stuck in Rosecoloredglassesland, and while it isn’t Dreamland, it’s still a long way away from the Real World! (both of them).

POST-prediction

2007-01-14T11:14:00.000-05:00

I had to kill the wizard.

Despite the fact he correctly predicted Stowe would receive 2" of fresh snow over night (so did every weatherman), his incorrect prediction of the Eagles cost him dearly.

Goodbye crazyscarywizardman, with a funny cap.

Congratulations to PinF for being the first to spot the subliminal message in the background. Your prize is the picture/postcard I sent you two weeks ago....

Prediction - Eagles vs. Saints

2007-01-13T13:46:00.000-05:00

There's more than meets the eye to this picture....look carefully.

CNN's picture PLUS

2007-01-06T10:49:00.000-05:00

I've modified CNN's picture with my own special touch. Seems she forgot the green moutains.

2006 - a year in review

2007-01-04T19:03:00.000-05:00

I can pretty much summarize my 2006 as follows:

Early Jan - mid March = did nothing in Costa Rica.
Mid March = got drunk for St Paddy's Day
April - August = did nothing at Plows
Sept - early Dec = actually worked in Vermont
Mid December = got drunk for my birthday
Present = Unemployed

Maybe I should send that out as my new resume and see what offers come in?

Maybe I should try a little harder to find something to do in 2007?

Maybe 2007 will be perfect if I can just not duplicate that bad spot I hit in Sept!

Turning over a new leaf....

2007-01-03T22:15:00.000-05:00

Big changes are in store for 2007.....

Betty

2007-01-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

Every car I've owned has had a nickname, and my newold Honda is no exception - Betty. Now this isn't the name that I came up, but one that came with the car - much like the radio, heater, AC, power windows, windshield washer, and all the other creature comforts I've forgotten.

And there is nothing wrong with the name Betty, ships are often named after women and this is nothing but a land-ship, but I am going to make a slight moderation. It will now be known as Battling Betty. In fact, I'm going to paint a picture of Lana Turner on the left front corner panel and write Battling Betty next to it, much like the pilots of WWII bombers did to their airplanes.

Why a picture of Lana Turner and not Betty Grable when the cars name is Battling Betty you ask? Because I like blonds.

Ah...Chuck? Betty Grable was a blond?

Hmmmmmm.

Anyway, Battling Betty and myself set out on a completely frivolous drive, 75 miles roundtrip to Burlington yesterday. Battling Betty has corrupted my soul. I now find myself making "extra" trips 2 miles to downtown Stowe, and often doing 35 mph in the 25 zone to boot! "Slow down speed demon!" Yesterday was no exception. I've been here 4 months now, which is also proof that time also flies by when you are having no fun, and I decided to head to Burlington for the first time - because I could. I went to Staples and bought some new black ink for my printer which has been sitting idly for two years since it ran out of ink. Now I'm printing all kinds of things....

Tune in tomorrow when Battling Betty and I conquer Mt. Mansfield.

Happy New Year!

2006-12-31T19:46:00.000-05:00

Spy vs. Spy

2006-12-23T10:10:00.000-05:00

Bring on the light

2006-12-22T11:08:00.000-05:00

Tonights Movie

2006-12-20T22:30:00.000-05:00

"...I got my mojo working....I got my mojo working...but it just don't work on you..." - That's what you would be hearing right now if you were listening to WOLFGANGSVAULT - Quicksilver Messenger Service, Filmore Auditorium, Nov 5, 1966, like I am as I type this. But that seemed to go over like my Google Earth. I liked it, nobody else did.

Tonight I decide to go to the movies so I'm going to take a break from our regularly scheduled review of my birthday party (post party review day 4) and spend a minute reviewing the film. I had two choices;

The Pursuit of Happiness
Eragon
Casino Royale

I know, that's three. But I've already seen Casino Royale so that's off the list. And I know what you are thinking -

"it's a no-brainer Chuck. See the Pursuit of Happiness! It's getting great reviews and Eragon looks....well, GAY!"

And you're right. Only two problems. I know Pursuit of Happiness is a "touchyfeelytugatmyheartstringsmakemecry" type of movie and well, I'm just not in the mood.

Plus, I really like dragon movies. Sure, I've yet to see a dragon movie that lived up to my expectations, but I still see them. I've seen Dragon Heart, Dragon Slayer, Reign of Fire, Hidden Dragon (crouching tiger) and Enter the Dragon. (So I'm stretching a bit.)

Needless to say, my expectations still haven't been met.

If you were to take the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy - and I'm talking about the directors cut, extra scenes, all 9 hours plus - convert it into colloquial Spanish, then have someone with two years Spanish language education convert the Spanish version back to English, edit it down to 1 hr 39 minutes - you would have a pretty good idea of what you have with Eragon.

Sure you had: good witches, bad witches, dragons, evil leaders, ugly guys making weapons, normal guys readying the defenses, dragons, a hero named Eragon (sounds an awful lot like Aragorn to me) massive cool castles, massive armies, bows and arrows, magic swords, magic, did I mention dragons?, a loud horn to announce the arrival of the enemy, homoerotic scenes, special effects galore, dragons, SPAM (just seeing if you are still reading), fight scenes, motivating speeches, death and .....DRAGONS.

Unfortunately you were missing; dialogue, a plot, good acting, good actors, and... a plot. (It was worth mentioning twice).

In fact I've seen PORNO movies that have a better plot than Eragon. Now that I think about it, I've seen PORNO movies with DRAGONS in them that have a better plot than Eragon.

I give it 3 dragons teeth, out of 54.