Tonights Movie
"...I got my mojo working....I got my mojo working...but it just don't work on you..." - That's what you would be hearing right now if you were listening to WOLFGANGSVAULT - Quicksilver Messenger Service, Filmore Auditorium, Nov 5, 1966, like I am as I type this. But that seemed to go over like my Google Earth. I liked it, nobody else did.
Tonight I decide to go to the movies so I'm going to take a break from our regularly scheduled review of my birthday party (post party review day 4) and spend a minute reviewing the film. I had two choices;
- The Pursuit of Happiness
- Eragon
- Casino Royale
I know, that's three. But I've already seen Casino Royale so that's off the list. And I know what you are thinking -
"it's a no-brainer Chuck. See the Pursuit of Happiness! It's getting great reviews and Eragon looks....well, GAY!"
And you're right. Only two problems. I know Pursuit of Happiness is a "touchyfeelytugatmyheartstringsmakemecry" type of movie and well, I'm just not in the mood.
Plus, I really like dragon movies. Sure, I've yet to see a dragon movie that lived up to my expectations, but I still see them. I've seen Dragon Heart, Dragon Slayer, Reign of Fire, Hidden Dragon (crouching tiger) and Enter the Dragon. (So I'm stretching a bit.)
Needless to say, my expectations still haven't been met.
If you were to take the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy - and I'm talking about the directors cut, extra scenes, all 9 hours plus - convert it into colloquial Spanish, then have someone with two years Spanish language education convert the Spanish version back to English, edit it down to 1 hr 39 minutes - you would have a pretty good idea of what you have with Eragon.
Sure you had: good witches, bad witches, dragons, evil leaders, ugly guys making weapons, normal guys readying the defenses, dragons, a hero named Eragon (sounds an awful lot like Aragorn to me) massive cool castles, massive armies, bows and arrows, magic swords, magic, did I mention dragons?, a loud horn to announce the arrival of the enemy, homoerotic scenes, special effects galore, dragons, SPAM (just seeing if you are still reading), fight scenes, motivating speeches, death and .....DRAGONS.
Unfortunately you were missing; dialogue, a plot, good acting, good actors, and... a plot. (It was worth mentioning twice).
In fact I've seen PORNO movies that have a better plot than Eragon. Now that I think about it, I've seen PORNO movies with DRAGONS in them that have a better plot than Eragon.
I give it 3 dragons teeth, out of 54.
posted by Chuck at 10:30 PM
10 Comments:
No brainer Chuck. Always take the nominated movie over the fantasy. There's a reason it was nominated, and not because it was sappy, heart-stringy, or tear-jerky. I just read the book, Chris Gardner may well prove to be your inspiration as you begin your start-up cheese flavored ice cream company.
5:09 AM
Ugh...great!
Now someone else will steal my idea before I have it legally protected!
Ya had to spill the beans about the cheese ice cream didn't you? I'm surprised you could keep my party a secret!
9:47 AM
he's got such a big mouth!
11:10 AM
krush groove just realized he's missing an orange champion fleece
has anyone seen it?
11:26 AM
He lost that fleece 5 years ago in Amsterdam!
1:20 PM
This just in: Krush lost his mind.
Cnn have you seen it?
3:28 PM
The hat is accounted for. It's in an evidence bag in Lexi's trunk, on the way to the CDC in Atl for special processing.
8:24 PM
Hi Beebes, what's the name of that Porn Dragon movie????
4:02 AM
I think you should have sucked up to the Academy and seen Happyness, too. I, like PinF, just finished the book, as well. It was a good read and I'd like to see the movie, but I had already decided that from the previews when I saw Borat!
10:43 AM
Dre,
That would be "enter the dragon" - the X rated version, not the Bruce Lee movie.
11:10 AM
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