My vacation to the REAL WORLD

The question came up in the comments – "where have you gone Joe Dimaggio" or in this case MofC? Well I’ll tell you. I left the comfy confines of Rosecoloredglassesland and returned to the Real World Philadelphia. Not the MTV version of the same name mind you, but the actual real world Philadelphia. By the way, I hated it. The real world sucks. Both of them.

However, it does have one nice advantage – cable TV. Yes, the real world has cable TV. Rosecoloredglassesland has rabbit ears and CBS. How "Ghost Whisperer" manages to stay on the air, I can only attribute to two reasons....

It was while watching cable TV in the real world Philadelphia that I noticed a commercial with Dennis Hopper, for Ameriprise Financial about retiring in Dreamland. This sounded great to me! It’s exactly what I want, a vacation to Dreamland, or better yet, a retirement! While Rosecoloredglassesland is very close to Dreamland, both of which are nowhere near Real World Philadelphia land, it would be a welcome change. I decided to set out for Dreamland and arranged a meeting with my Ameriprise Financial advisor to discuss my trip. His name was Bob.

After a brief introduction and the normal first round of questions, Bob and I got down to the nitty-gritty. The first thing he wanted to know was how old I was? When I told him I was forty I could tell by his reaction something was wrong? I told him I always fancied myself as somewhat of a late bloomer. "No problem" he said. "You’re getting a bit of a late start, so tell me what to you have saved for your trip to Dreamland?"

"Nothing" I said.

"Cash in the bank?"

"No."

"Stocks or Bonds?"

"No."

"Home equity?"

"No."

"Gold bullion?"

"No"

"Other precious metals?"

"No."

"Any nuclear material you can sell?"

"No. However I can probably get my spy friend DK to give me some Polonium-210 if you want me to poison your boss. What’s it worth to you?"

"No thanks. Do you have anything of value at all?"

"Yes."

"GOOD! WHAT IS IT" he asked with excitement?

"I do have 30 year old stamp collection, that has been kept in my mom’s attic for the past 29 years. The heat in the summertime has caused all the stamps to fuse together into one giant stamp."

"I see."

"And what exactly is your Dream Mr. Beebe" Bob asked?

"An Empire" I said. "I want an Empire."

"Do you really think that is realistic given your situation?"

"Bob, your not much of a financial planner are you? Plus, you’re a lousy travel agent! It’s called Dreamland for a reason..."

It looks like for the time being, I’m stuck in Rosecoloredglassesland, and while it isn’t Dreamland, it’s still a long way away from the Real World! (both of them).