Goings-on in Congress

So I return from my missionary-position work with the Indians of Bribri, only to find that the senior Senator from Florida and his "yes" man, the junior Senator from Maryland have begun inquiries as to the extent and context of my "contract" work here in Costa Rica. They have even begun to rally a handful of first-term'ers in an attempt to garner the necessary support for a formal investigation.

Just what we need, a bunch of Congressional blow-hards spending tax payers money like it was coconuts growing on a tree! Shooting your mouths off from the comfort of America without the foggiest idea of what is really taking place down here. Willing to throw money left and right, but never giving any where it is really needed. Sitting in your electrified houses, typing comments on your high-speed Internet. Do you ever once get dizzy from the stench of bat urine, I think not. Flossing your teeth with super-thin dental floss and using your vibrating head toothbrushes - oh, the agony! While I was up to my calves in muck, wet for 48 hours straight, the only thing I had to use for dental hygiene was saw grass, and they call it saw grass for a reason!

You claim to want pictures but you don't want to see the truth. Pictures of kids missing limbs from playing football in mine fields. Kids who are actually starting to morph into beans because they eat them so frequently. Just yesterday, I had to rescue a toddler who had been trapped in a pile of bat guano for three days! You only want to see the highlights - the Swiss nannies in bikini's, you peddlers of pornography!

As for me and my mission, all you need to know, you already know. The rest is classified and for your own good, as well as mine. You will have to trust me on this until the post-mission debriefing. At which time I will make all necessary intel available when and if it is needed.

As I posted in my last transmission, I will make the required recon photo's available shortly, but given my hasty departure up river to bush country in search of Col Kurtz, and the fact it's raining today and therefore no Swiss nannies in bikini's anywhere - you will have to wait a few days more. Everything proceeds slowly here in C.R.

On a side note I did come across this OPS photo of your's truly, for you to put in the evidence file. At least I'm claiming it to be me, I must say the gentlemen in the photo looks awfully buff which lends some doubt to the authenticity of the photo. In addition it was from a mission entitled "Operation Charlie Swim's to Panama"...but I can't say anything more.....