America's Drunkest Cities

So I was browsing the Internet on Friday, and of course the following headline caught my attention - "America's Drunkest Cities". (see link below).

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/2006/08/22/nightlife-cities-drunk_cx_de_nightlife06_0822intro.html?boxes=popstories&boxes=custom

The article went on to say that Milwaukee had the distinction of being the drunkest city in America. Former home of such wonderful beer as Schlitz, Blatz, and Pabst. YUCK!

So I was curious to see where my fair city of Media fell into the rankings, knowing full well it's loaded with alcoholics, most of whom are good friends of mine. Much to my dismay, a full listing of cities was no where to be found on the Forbes website! What kind of bunk article is that? Teasing me worse than a certain girl in high school who will remain nameless, but her initials are Beth Phillipson.

Anyway, I was not to be denied so I began to scour the Internet. I scoured. And I scoured. And I scoured some more. I scoured so much my fingers became sore from all the typing.

After a brief pause to look over a certain Asian Poontang website I came across - A wang-tang, sweet poon-tang if you will ( or would that be wangtang sweet & sour poontang?) - I hit pay dirt. I found the list in it's entirety. All 35 cities. And because we don't slack off here at MofC blog, I will give you the list in full. Unlike some other websites - www.forbes.com - come on Malcome, will the cost of a few extra letters really hurt your pocket?

Without further adieu:

1. Milwaukee
2. Minn-St.Paul
3. Columbus
4. Boston
5. Austin
6. Chicago
7. Cleveland
8. Pittsburgh
9. Philadelphia
10. Providence (tied with Philly at #9)
11. St. Louis
12. San Antonio
13. Seattle
14. Las Vegas
15. Denver/Boulder
16. Cincinnati
17. Kansas City
18. Houston
19. Portland
20. San Franciso - Oakland
21. Washington - Baltimore (tied with S.F. & O at #20)
22. Phoenix
23. Los Angeles
24. New Orleans (which really will be new if they ever finish rebuilding it)
25. Tampa (tied with N.O at #24)
26. Norfolk
27. Dallas - Ft. Worth
28. Atlanta
29. Detroit
30. Indianapolis
31. Orlando
32. New York
33. Miami
34. Charlotte
35. Nashville

Now, I would like to point out a few things if I may. First, I'm proud to see Philly has cracked the top ten!

Second, I'm disappointed in the complete lack of respect that was shown to Media by not being included in the list, something about the population not being sizable enough.

Third, what is up with the pairing of cities? ie - Denver & Boulder. SanFran & Oakland. Washington & Baltimore for crying out loud! I'm sorry Pecker, but that's just not fair! They should all stand on their own.

So I have done some research of my own, crunched some numbers, dotted some "i's" and crossed some "t's" and concluded that if we were to pair up Philadelphia & Media, after all they are attached by that umbilical cord known as the the Trolley, it seems only fair, we would in fact be #1!

So congratulations to Media (and Philly for there small contribution) for being #1!