Sightings at the beach

Well the beach has been hot lately. Hot in the temperature sense and hot in the "action" scene. Of course all these visitors do have their drawbacks – those Europeans are quite fond of "Speedo’s" and worse, the dreaded "banana hammock". Nothing worse than a saggy man with his gut hanging over his hammock.

Now I have to admit I have one too. I’m saving it for a special occasion. Very special. Very, very special.

Say, the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are descending to earth to reign down fires of death and destruction, then I will put on my banana hammock and go forth to greet them. Who wants to go out like everyone else? Other than that, it’s staying in the closet where it belongs.

Of course the other disadvantage I need to make you aware of in case you decide to venture south is the "dreaded mistaken identity". You know, like that really tall, model like figure you see off in the distance with long flowing brown hair bathing topless?

Turns out, it’s just a German in a Speedo.

This isn’t exactly something you want to brag about to your friends. "Hey, I saw this really hot German chick at the beach, only it turned out to be a man!"

Of course, this sort of thing didn’t happen to me. I mean, it would be ok if it did, but it didn’t. Just so you know. This is purely information for your benefit, same as being made aware of the 17 varieties of venomous snake in the jungle. That’s all. 18 varieties if you count the bloke in the banana hammock, although I’m not sure how much venom he has left….

Anyway, MofC has 20/20 vision. In fact I have better then 20/20, I have 20/10. So there is really no chance of me mistaking a guy in a Speedo for a girl. What "normal" people see at 10’, I can see at 20’. That’s why I can read the really small print at the bottom of that sign on the opposite side of the bar and you can’t. The one that says "Made in Chicago, U.S.A" and is also why I wouldn’t mistake a guy on the beach for a girl.

But it would be all right if I did.