DICK!

DICK!

That's right DICK! Welcome to the new raunchier & edgier AofC!

Only this DICK has a first name (don't they all?) and it's Kirby.

You see PinF isn't the only one who gets to go to the movies, we here at AofC do as well, and last night I saw Kirby Dick's new movie - This Film Is Not Yet Rated. A documentary exposing the MPAA, (the people who rate the movies for those who live under rocks) as an organization that operates both secretively and without challenge in handing out ratings. Especially along the all important R/NC-17 border where they seem to have no clear-cut guidelines as to what determines what rating you get.

The film focused mostly on the "sexual" aspect of getting a NC-17 rating and how it seems to get handed out considerably more to Independent and foreign films, the competition of the studios.

Don't show a 2 second clip of a woman's pubic hair in a touching love scene or you get an NC-17.

Don't have 4 simulated thrusts in an wide angle simulated sex scene or NC-17. (giving credibility to 2-pump chump's everywhere).

I liked the movie, it had a few laughs and poked good fun at the MPAA. I wonder what will happen when he tries to get his next film rated? Look for it where you find your Independent films. Around Philly that will be at the Ritz, where I saw it. Only you will have to wait until September 15 when it's released because you aren't important enough to get an advanced screening like AofC. We're always on the cutting edge......

Bummer revisited

So when I was lying in bed last night, I was thinking about my blog. And I was actually upset, angry, peeved, pissed off - all over again - about deleting my 198 posts!


FUCK!


And that was all I was going to say - that is, until I decided to add the FUCK!



You see in the past I probably would have self-censored myself and written it %$@*. I don't want to be known as a potty-mouth here at AofC/MofC. That and the fact that a certain 7 year old has been known to drop by and read. So PinF, fair warning. A bit of extra caution may be necessary. The winds of change are blowing through this blog and I need you to stay on top of your daddyduties and keep your daughter safe from the new, raunchier & edgier AofC blog.

And I don't want you people to think this new raunchier & edgier side of me has anything to do with CNN's comment the other day about my blog article being R-rated, when we all know what she really wants to read is the X-rated stuff!

No, I'm just going to write my blog the way I want to is all.

If CNN wants X-rated, she can get her ass over to my house, get in my bed and point her feet to Jesus! (you have 3 days).

At least that would finally give her something interesting to blog about.

I think I can hear Jojo laughing from here......

Chuckpottymouthster out.

Legal mumbo jumbo

*DISCLAIMER*

Sorry folks, but I'm afraid I need to take up a bit of space with a bit of legal mumbo-jumbo. You see, upon deciding to get this blog up and running again, I got together with my crack legal team, my editor and even my unpaid intern, although we don't really listen to any of the suggestions by the unpaid intern, it's more to make him feel included. The whole staff was present, except for the "fluffer" who seems to have failed to report for work since we hired her.

It was decided collectively (but mostly by my crack legal team) that we should correct a certain error that has gone on for far too long here at the blog.

You see, the actual title of this blog is The Adventures of Chuck. As you will notice the "mis" is in parenthesis. It was supposed to be a blog about my adventures, and yes, sometimes my adventures take a wrong turn, hence they become misadventures. And probably through my own fault, most of the stories I write about tend to have a misadventure slant to them. I guess that is where the funny parts are?

Herein lies the problem that we are hoping to correct. You see, it has now become accepted in the world to refer to my blog - incorrectly - with the acronym of MofC. It has taken on a generic like status much like "kleenex."

At this point I am afraid, it will be too late to change it. However, in order to make the crack legal team happy I want to announce that officially both acronym's will from here on out, be accepted in referring to this blog - MofC or AofC.

Furthermore, in the future while both MofC and AofC can be used interchangeably, I will attempt to use AofC in blogs when referring to a situation in which the desired outcome was achieved and MofC in which the desired outcome wasn't.

Clear? No?

Let me give you an example:

Let's say for instance I was going to tell you a story about how my friend Hari (http://www.adozenodiscs.blogspot.com/) and Tim decided to throw me into a mud puddle after soccer practice one day. Well, that would be a AofC story.

But, if I were to tell you that after already being tossed in the mud puddle, I decided of my own free will, to jump back in and how I landed on a submerged rock, thereby gouging my back, that would be a MofC story.

Still not clear? Hmmmm......

If I were to tell you a story about college, when we had a "Battle of the Intramural Champions" and I decided to get together for a little "private celebration" with one of the girls on my team, Well that would be a true AofC story!

If I were to tell you the story of how I was "muff-diving" on this girl, only to have my girl friend of the time walk in on us, well that would be a MofC story!!!

Clear as crystal now.

This ends the legal mumbo-jumbo. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

*DISCLAIMER*

America's Drunkest Cities

So I was browsing the Internet on Friday, and of course the following headline caught my attention - "America's Drunkest Cities". (see link below).

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/2006/08/22/nightlife-cities-drunk_cx_de_nightlife06_0822intro.html?boxes=popstories&boxes=custom

The article went on to say that Milwaukee had the distinction of being the drunkest city in America. Former home of such wonderful beer as Schlitz, Blatz, and Pabst. YUCK!

So I was curious to see where my fair city of Media fell into the rankings, knowing full well it's loaded with alcoholics, most of whom are good friends of mine. Much to my dismay, a full listing of cities was no where to be found on the Forbes website! What kind of bunk article is that? Teasing me worse than a certain girl in high school who will remain nameless, but her initials are Beth Phillipson.

Anyway, I was not to be denied so I began to scour the Internet. I scoured. And I scoured. And I scoured some more. I scoured so much my fingers became sore from all the typing.

After a brief pause to look over a certain Asian Poontang website I came across - A wang-tang, sweet poon-tang if you will ( or would that be wangtang sweet & sour poontang?) - I hit pay dirt. I found the list in it's entirety. All 35 cities. And because we don't slack off here at MofC blog, I will give you the list in full. Unlike some other websites - www.forbes.com - come on Malcome, will the cost of a few extra letters really hurt your pocket?

Without further adieu:

1. Milwaukee
2. Minn-St.Paul
3. Columbus
4. Boston
5. Austin
6. Chicago
7. Cleveland
8. Pittsburgh
9. Philadelphia
10. Providence (tied with Philly at #9)
11. St. Louis
12. San Antonio
13. Seattle
14. Las Vegas
15. Denver/Boulder
16. Cincinnati
17. Kansas City
18. Houston
19. Portland
20. San Franciso - Oakland
21. Washington - Baltimore (tied with S.F. & O at #20)
22. Phoenix
23. Los Angeles
24. New Orleans (which really will be new if they ever finish rebuilding it)
25. Tampa (tied with N.O at #24)
26. Norfolk
27. Dallas - Ft. Worth
28. Atlanta
29. Detroit
30. Indianapolis
31. Orlando
32. New York
33. Miami
34. Charlotte
35. Nashville

Now, I would like to point out a few things if I may. First, I'm proud to see Philly has cracked the top ten!

Second, I'm disappointed in the complete lack of respect that was shown to Media by not being included in the list, something about the population not being sizable enough.

Third, what is up with the pairing of cities? ie - Denver & Boulder. SanFran & Oakland. Washington & Baltimore for crying out loud! I'm sorry Pecker, but that's just not fair! They should all stand on their own.

So I have done some research of my own, crunched some numbers, dotted some "i's" and crossed some "t's" and concluded that if we were to pair up Philadelphia & Media, after all they are attached by that umbilical cord known as the the Trolley, it seems only fair, we would in fact be #1!

So congratulations to Media (and Philly for there small contribution) for being #1!

...So much for retirement

WOW!

Dare I say it was a flurry of comment activity?

Ok, maybe not a flurry but at least a dusting? And the snow analogies are fitting because it looks like I will be wintering in Stowe Vermont. What can I say from one extreme to the other.

So my retirement doesn't appear like it will last very long. I'm not talking about the blog either, I'm referring to my "semi-retired" occupational status. I've been telling everyone lately that I'm semi-retired. How many people do you know my age that don't have a single monthly expense? I'm not talking about my bar tab at the Plumstead, I'll never be able to get rid of that, but no rent, no car payment, no cable bill, no electric, no health insurance - well you can't have everything! No sooner do I start to actually get the hang of it, and BLAMMO! It's over.

Anyway the point was or is, I'm going back into the corporate sector. I'll be working for a local ISP in Stowe called Powershift. Soon I will have a lease and a phone and all the other things that come with being a normal human being. How distasteful! Oh well I can always re-retire.

So I guess if I'm joining the real world again, I should join the blog world as well. Actually it was seeing all the comments from my crew of regular readers that made me laugh and smile and think that maybe you really do miss me.

Don't answer that. Let a man dream. After all I've already had to give up my retirement this month what more do you want from me?

I will now begin the process of gearing up to be the Misadventures you all new. Please be patient, the engine has been off for quite awhile and it takes a bit of time to prime it up. But once it gets started look out!

Summer is almost over, time for an update

Pecker, in answer to your question - yes, I'm still shaving with a straight razor. This in turn means that, no I haven't killed myself doing it, since I'm writing this now. And also no, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, for if I did, I wouldn't need to shave any more now would I?

In order to be complete and forthcoming I should tell you that I am now shaving with my straight razor in Vermont. It is looking like MisAdventuresofChuck will be wintering this winter in the lovely village of Stowe. A big change from last years Caribbean adventure to be sure. Ever since the collapse of the SHL I no longer feel obligated to be in the Media vicinity during hockey season.

Cross your fingers, maybe I will bring the blog back. I'll need something to occupy my time on those long, cold Vermont winter nights.....